I'm back! (ish...)
You can read about our recent weaning experience, plus my tips on how to successfully - & gently - wean when the time is right for You & Baby here.
Enjoy!
Much love
Audrey xox
Showing posts with label breastfeeding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breastfeeding. Show all posts
Tuesday, 12 November 2013
Sunday, 16 June 2013
snoozy snuggles
Teddy is taking this year's cold and flu season hard, as his immune system adjusts to spending more time away from home than ever before...being snotted on playing with all his new friends. He is tired by the afternoon, laying his head on my lap and wriggling to be picked up (this invariably involves putting his foot up on the couch and making a big show of attempting to get up, knowing I know he can do it himself...but still wanting a lift!).
He sits on my lap and impatiently waits for 'lolo'. Enthusiastically he snuggles in close, sucking with all the might he can muster. Within minutes his eyes are shut and his breathing has slowed. I settle back, closing my eyes as I drift off too. When I wake, he has unlatched himself and is breathing gently against my skin. I panic, thinking it must be late (fifteen minutes has past, I have at least another twenty before I must rouse him).
And so we begin the end of another day. Another somewhat snotty but sunny and joy-filled day.
I like winter and its snuggles.
He sits on my lap and impatiently waits for 'lolo'. Enthusiastically he snuggles in close, sucking with all the might he can muster. Within minutes his eyes are shut and his breathing has slowed. I settle back, closing my eyes as I drift off too. When I wake, he has unlatched himself and is breathing gently against my skin. I panic, thinking it must be late (fifteen minutes has past, I have at least another twenty before I must rouse him).
And so we begin the end of another day. Another somewhat snotty but sunny and joy-filled day.
I like winter and its snuggles.
Tuesday, 21 May 2013
to wean or not to wean
Or, as the case may be…un-wean. To eventually re-wean again.
This week Teddy has been ill. Unhappy, sleepy but unable to sleep through…not eating because his throat hurts. I suggested to the doctor and she wholeheartedly agreed, that I should start offering breastfeeds throughout the day again as Teddy needed it to settle him & provide nourishment as he was off his food. This has now increased to include during the night as well.
I just wanted to jot down my thoughts on our experience thus far, as partially weaning Teddy is something that I had struggled with (he has always had - I was going to continue - a feed first thing in the morning & last thing at night). I have thoroughly adored nursing our little son as he has grown over the last year. Not yet a toddler but oh-so-close. Still my baby.
It wasn't plain sailing from the get-go. We struggled with tongue-tie (snipped very early on, about 10 days I think) and saw the lactation consultant twice in the first two weeks as latching problems meant agony for me at each of those long, early feeds. Luckily, we did not have any ongoing problems and once we hit the 8 week mark we were well and truly on our way to breastfeeding success. I loved the freedom and ease of it. I loved the quiet snuggle time with my baby boy. I loved that it was our special relationship and I'll admit (quite the control freak here) - I loved the control it gave me over what I was putting into our baby.
Of course, we had low points. Those growth spurts that meant non-stop cluster feeding from lunch until bedtime. I have been dairy free since he was about 14 weeks old. The odd slip has meant days of explosive nappies and mother-guilt galore. As my favourite foods - every type of cheese - are made solely of dairy, it has been tough. Oh-so worth it.
Once we reached about 8 months and Teddy was still not making it through the night without feeding, we night-weaned. Well, from bedtime until about 4 or 5am. We went to Scotland and we un-night-weaned. We returned and just before his first birthday we were only feeding during the day…rarely deviating from our 5 feed routine.
Friends and family began asking how much longer I intended to nurse. I would smile and be noncommittal. He doesn't seem keen to stop, I would say. So I think it will have to be gently done over time…
Teddy turned one and we hired a nanny for a few mornings a week as I returned to study. I slowly dropped the after-morning-nap feed over a week or so, with no dramas. He started daycare some weeks later, for two days a week. Over the next week we dropped the post-afternoon-nap feed. This was the tricky one. I was still feeling reluctant about weaning in general (I saw it as a necessary evil as I was no longer his primary carer 4 days a week) and Teddy would ask for his afternoon nurse. He'd crawl over to my lap and pull at my top a little. No, not yet - later, I would say gently. You are a big boy now. You can have lo-lo later. Off he would go, play for another 10 minutes then try again. After a week he stopped trying. I was happy and sad and undecided all at once.
For about a month we have been blissfully snuggled against the cooling air first thing in the morning and calmly settling before bedtime at night. Our new routine is lovely, I feel it was time to cut back a little. Teddy doesn't miss it.
Until this week. Now we are feeding more than ever and my awe at being able to sustain my little one through his illness increases every feed. He is recovering and I am beginning to feel apprehensive about starting the weaning process again. First the night, then the morning, then the afternoon. Of course, when he is not with me he doesn't miss it - so our wonderful nanny and daycare won't have to put up with a sad or grumpy or hungry baby. It is during our afternoons and days and nights together where I will summon up resolve I am still unresolved about having in the first place...and say a gentle no.
It has been a wonderfully amazing and spectacular journey over the last 13 months. The next month or so poses a new re-weaning challenge. In the meantime, I will look forward to morning snuggles and nighttime cuddles as the days cool and the nights have me wanting a little body on my lap before bedtime.
This week Teddy has been ill. Unhappy, sleepy but unable to sleep through…not eating because his throat hurts. I suggested to the doctor and she wholeheartedly agreed, that I should start offering breastfeeds throughout the day again as Teddy needed it to settle him & provide nourishment as he was off his food. This has now increased to include during the night as well.
I just wanted to jot down my thoughts on our experience thus far, as partially weaning Teddy is something that I had struggled with (he has always had - I was going to continue - a feed first thing in the morning & last thing at night). I have thoroughly adored nursing our little son as he has grown over the last year. Not yet a toddler but oh-so-close. Still my baby.
It wasn't plain sailing from the get-go. We struggled with tongue-tie (snipped very early on, about 10 days I think) and saw the lactation consultant twice in the first two weeks as latching problems meant agony for me at each of those long, early feeds. Luckily, we did not have any ongoing problems and once we hit the 8 week mark we were well and truly on our way to breastfeeding success. I loved the freedom and ease of it. I loved the quiet snuggle time with my baby boy. I loved that it was our special relationship and I'll admit (quite the control freak here) - I loved the control it gave me over what I was putting into our baby.
Of course, we had low points. Those growth spurts that meant non-stop cluster feeding from lunch until bedtime. I have been dairy free since he was about 14 weeks old. The odd slip has meant days of explosive nappies and mother-guilt galore. As my favourite foods - every type of cheese - are made solely of dairy, it has been tough. Oh-so worth it.
Once we reached about 8 months and Teddy was still not making it through the night without feeding, we night-weaned. Well, from bedtime until about 4 or 5am. We went to Scotland and we un-night-weaned. We returned and just before his first birthday we were only feeding during the day…rarely deviating from our 5 feed routine.
Friends and family began asking how much longer I intended to nurse. I would smile and be noncommittal. He doesn't seem keen to stop, I would say. So I think it will have to be gently done over time…
Teddy turned one and we hired a nanny for a few mornings a week as I returned to study. I slowly dropped the after-morning-nap feed over a week or so, with no dramas. He started daycare some weeks later, for two days a week. Over the next week we dropped the post-afternoon-nap feed. This was the tricky one. I was still feeling reluctant about weaning in general (I saw it as a necessary evil as I was no longer his primary carer 4 days a week) and Teddy would ask for his afternoon nurse. He'd crawl over to my lap and pull at my top a little. No, not yet - later, I would say gently. You are a big boy now. You can have lo-lo later. Off he would go, play for another 10 minutes then try again. After a week he stopped trying. I was happy and sad and undecided all at once.
For about a month we have been blissfully snuggled against the cooling air first thing in the morning and calmly settling before bedtime at night. Our new routine is lovely, I feel it was time to cut back a little. Teddy doesn't miss it.
Until this week. Now we are feeding more than ever and my awe at being able to sustain my little one through his illness increases every feed. He is recovering and I am beginning to feel apprehensive about starting the weaning process again. First the night, then the morning, then the afternoon. Of course, when he is not with me he doesn't miss it - so our wonderful nanny and daycare won't have to put up with a sad or grumpy or hungry baby. It is during our afternoons and days and nights together where I will summon up resolve I am still unresolved about having in the first place...and say a gentle no.
It has been a wonderfully amazing and spectacular journey over the last 13 months. The next month or so poses a new re-weaning challenge. In the meantime, I will look forward to morning snuggles and nighttime cuddles as the days cool and the nights have me wanting a little body on my lap before bedtime.
Saturday, 18 May 2013
firsts
First time you have fallen asleep in my lap (not counting during a feed)...doctor's waiting room yesterday.
First infection...ear & throat.
First antibiotics.
First time you have been off your food...living on fruit puree & half a biscuit.
First breastfeeds during the day (you still have morning & night feeds) for a few weeks...before & after naps...once you are better, we'll gently wean those daytime feeds for a second time.
Love to all the mamas watching their babies suffer...I am so glad this list of firsts took over 13 months to arrive.
Tuesday, 9 April 2013
one
Last Wednesday, April 3rd to be exact you woke to your mama brightly singing 'Happy Birthday' as she opened your blinds and let the light stream in. 'How many are you?' she asks as you are placed on the change table for your new nappy. 'This many!' is her answer, proudly showing one finger to symbolise one.
It has taken me a week to work out how to say to you all the things I feel I want you to know as you turn one. This first year has been the most magnificent of learning curves for your Papa & I. I find it hard to imagine my life without you, I feel as though you have always been here with us. I struggle to picture our house without your squeals of delight and angry grizzles when something doesn't go your way. Your smile is quick and bright, your golden strawberry curls give me such joy and you make me swoon when your big baby blues turn my way as you attempt to flutter eyelashes so long they astound strangers in the street.
You are so pretty those same strangers still confirm you are indeed a boy, then exclaim your eyes confused them! It amuses me, as you are a boy in every sense of the word. On walks you must inspect every car that passes, we will deliberately get to our destination late just to follow the bus trundle along the road. You need to investigate anything and everything, spin it around in your hand and check to see if it makes a sound when you crash it into the ground or bang it on something. If a sound is made, it is repeated with gusto until something else catches your eye.
At one, you are a speedy crawler but not yet walking. Despite your first steps weeks ago, no attempt has since been made. I constantly marvel at your pace when you want something - your limbs become a blur. You are tall and slender with an appetite that shocks your grandparents as they watch you devour enough food for an army. At one, your best friend is the neighbour's cat Milly and your favourite past time is stalking through the backyard with her as I peg out the washing. You find it mildly offensive the pegs should be trapped in their container and aim to liberate them as often as possible. You can pick up any object no matter how small, and recently added picking up a second or third object with the one hand to your repertoire. You call me Mum-mum & your father Daada and if I check your nappy you will say 'caca' if you have indeed left me a surprise.
At one, I am your favourite person to snuggle and you love your Papa taking you on adventures downstairs. Getting out and about in the car or stroller makes you happy and we have begun frequenting the local playgrounds. You love having a piece of toast in our favourite cafes while I have my coffee - you are my preferred breakfast or lunch date. You make me laugh out loud several times a day as you crack jokes and play games.
At one, we are starting to wean slowly and gently although you are yet to turn down the breast if offered. I suspect we will enjoy our little feeds for a while yet! You are a random sleeper during the night, sometimes making it through and other times not even close.
Perhaps what I want you to know the most though, is that - at one - you are our joy. Thank you for you.
It has taken me a week to work out how to say to you all the things I feel I want you to know as you turn one. This first year has been the most magnificent of learning curves for your Papa & I. I find it hard to imagine my life without you, I feel as though you have always been here with us. I struggle to picture our house without your squeals of delight and angry grizzles when something doesn't go your way. Your smile is quick and bright, your golden strawberry curls give me such joy and you make me swoon when your big baby blues turn my way as you attempt to flutter eyelashes so long they astound strangers in the street.
You are so pretty those same strangers still confirm you are indeed a boy, then exclaim your eyes confused them! It amuses me, as you are a boy in every sense of the word. On walks you must inspect every car that passes, we will deliberately get to our destination late just to follow the bus trundle along the road. You need to investigate anything and everything, spin it around in your hand and check to see if it makes a sound when you crash it into the ground or bang it on something. If a sound is made, it is repeated with gusto until something else catches your eye.
At one, you are a speedy crawler but not yet walking. Despite your first steps weeks ago, no attempt has since been made. I constantly marvel at your pace when you want something - your limbs become a blur. You are tall and slender with an appetite that shocks your grandparents as they watch you devour enough food for an army. At one, your best friend is the neighbour's cat Milly and your favourite past time is stalking through the backyard with her as I peg out the washing. You find it mildly offensive the pegs should be trapped in their container and aim to liberate them as often as possible. You can pick up any object no matter how small, and recently added picking up a second or third object with the one hand to your repertoire. You call me Mum-mum & your father Daada and if I check your nappy you will say 'caca' if you have indeed left me a surprise.
At one, I am your favourite person to snuggle and you love your Papa taking you on adventures downstairs. Getting out and about in the car or stroller makes you happy and we have begun frequenting the local playgrounds. You love having a piece of toast in our favourite cafes while I have my coffee - you are my preferred breakfast or lunch date. You make me laugh out loud several times a day as you crack jokes and play games.
At one, we are starting to wean slowly and gently although you are yet to turn down the breast if offered. I suspect we will enjoy our little feeds for a while yet! You are a random sleeper during the night, sometimes making it through and other times not even close.
Perhaps what I want you to know the most though, is that - at one - you are our joy. Thank you for you.
Wednesday, 13 March 2013
snotty snuggles
Aunty's 50th birthday was this weekend, so she and my cousin Willz were heading down to London to stay with my other cousin. We were staying behind, looking forward to some time to ourselves and honestly with the popularity of Teddy, our own busy social calendar! Alas, by Friday afternoon we were ill.
Saturday night Teddy woke every hour to feed and cuddle, before slipping back into a restless slumber. Sunday morning began earlier than usual for us, him waking beside me after eventually being brought into my bed at some stage the night before. His snotty little nose happiest spreading snot over my shoulder or chest, depending on where he was snuggling his head at the time…
By Sunday afternoon, he was well on his way to recovery while my head cold took a turn for the worse (typically!) - although I am extremely grateful that this has been my first and only proper illness since the beginning of my pregnancy. Breastfeeding I believe, has shielded both of us in some mystical, wonderful and simply breathtaking way. This is based on my own experience and in no way is a scientific observation!
He stays a wee bit snotty for the next day or so. We treasure our snotty snuggles as he buries his head into my shoulder…I take comfort in his need to stay close, even though he feels better.
It is so lovely to be so loved by someone so small!
Saturday night Teddy woke every hour to feed and cuddle, before slipping back into a restless slumber. Sunday morning began earlier than usual for us, him waking beside me after eventually being brought into my bed at some stage the night before. His snotty little nose happiest spreading snot over my shoulder or chest, depending on where he was snuggling his head at the time…
By Sunday afternoon, he was well on his way to recovery while my head cold took a turn for the worse (typically!) - although I am extremely grateful that this has been my first and only proper illness since the beginning of my pregnancy. Breastfeeding I believe, has shielded both of us in some mystical, wonderful and simply breathtaking way. This is based on my own experience and in no way is a scientific observation!
He stays a wee bit snotty for the next day or so. We treasure our snotty snuggles as he buries his head into my shoulder…I take comfort in his need to stay close, even though he feels better.
It is so lovely to be so loved by someone so small!
early morning snuggles
We are home and settled back into our wee corner of the world. I have been lazy with this space of late, living (and sleeping) and getting back to normality. I intend to continue my posting as if I never stopped though…continuing from my last Scottish tidbit onto the next...
The mornings are dark and chilly. Teddy sleeps less well here in general than at home, however he has settled now into a somewhat similar pattern. Our mornings begin early, I skip (trudge) up the stairs at 5-something (this is the third maybe fourth - second if it was a great night! - time I have done this since putting him in his bed last night) and greet a crying little boy, standing in his cot.
By the time he is out of his sleeping bag, in my arms then out of the room he is calm and excited to start our day. Our first ritual is to tumble into my sofa bed in the lounge room, to snuggle while Teddy has his morning feed. I leave the lights off, eternally hopeful that this will encourage a little more sleep. Rarely it does, Teddy enjoys his milk whilst wriggling into a number of awkward positions. But no matter. It is this time of the morning, these few minutes, where the chilliness and the dark are lovely.
A little boy pulls off and grins at me in the dark. He starts babbling, presumably listing off all the things he will do today. I get up, turn on a lamp & BBC World News (his favourite!) - Teddy settles down to get a new nappy and some warm clothes over his pyjamas. Eventually we will head into the kitchen, for his 'toastie fingers' and my coffee.
The mornings really are chilly…and dark…and early...
But they are lovely.
The mornings are dark and chilly. Teddy sleeps less well here in general than at home, however he has settled now into a somewhat similar pattern. Our mornings begin early, I skip (trudge) up the stairs at 5-something (this is the third maybe fourth - second if it was a great night! - time I have done this since putting him in his bed last night) and greet a crying little boy, standing in his cot.
By the time he is out of his sleeping bag, in my arms then out of the room he is calm and excited to start our day. Our first ritual is to tumble into my sofa bed in the lounge room, to snuggle while Teddy has his morning feed. I leave the lights off, eternally hopeful that this will encourage a little more sleep. Rarely it does, Teddy enjoys his milk whilst wriggling into a number of awkward positions. But no matter. It is this time of the morning, these few minutes, where the chilliness and the dark are lovely.
A little boy pulls off and grins at me in the dark. He starts babbling, presumably listing off all the things he will do today. I get up, turn on a lamp & BBC World News (his favourite!) - Teddy settles down to get a new nappy and some warm clothes over his pyjamas. Eventually we will head into the kitchen, for his 'toastie fingers' and my coffee.
The mornings really are chilly…and dark…and early...
But they are lovely.
Sunday, 10 February 2013
routine change up
Jet lag is an interesting and foggy and spacey and - let's face it - unfortunate, beast. It had my head spinning at odd times and thinking I may faint...Teddy woke at odd times. Well, there has to be some drawbacks to flying halfway around the world...
In an attempt to right our internal timekeepers as quickly as possible, I put myself and Teddy on our wee routine the day we arrived. We rolled with slightly longer naps and an earlier bedtime, but kept things mostly in tact. Of course, bubby woke a few times for the first few nights and I settled him with a quick feed and a cuddle.
A few nights turned into a week and a few times into many. Feeding through the sleep deprivation, we developed that habit of night feeds I thought we had kicked some months ago. Uh-oh. Here we go again...
Then I had an idea. I swapped our bedtime routine up a tad. Previously we had bath, teeth brushing, downstairs for our goodnights to everyone, then upstairs for a breastfeed (or 'lolo'), story & nursery rhyme. Now we do lolo downstairs in the hustle and bustle of the evening. Then upstairs for Teddy's splash, downstairs for our goodnights. Back up for the teeth - story - rhyme - bed.
Suddenly 3 night wakings became our normal wake - feed - bed - wake to start the day. We are still starting our day earlier than we do in Australia, but hey - I'll take it!
In an attempt to right our internal timekeepers as quickly as possible, I put myself and Teddy on our wee routine the day we arrived. We rolled with slightly longer naps and an earlier bedtime, but kept things mostly in tact. Of course, bubby woke a few times for the first few nights and I settled him with a quick feed and a cuddle.
A few nights turned into a week and a few times into many. Feeding through the sleep deprivation, we developed that habit of night feeds I thought we had kicked some months ago. Uh-oh. Here we go again...
Then I had an idea. I swapped our bedtime routine up a tad. Previously we had bath, teeth brushing, downstairs for our goodnights to everyone, then upstairs for a breastfeed (or 'lolo'), story & nursery rhyme. Now we do lolo downstairs in the hustle and bustle of the evening. Then upstairs for Teddy's splash, downstairs for our goodnights. Back up for the teeth - story - rhyme - bed.
Suddenly 3 night wakings became our normal wake - feed - bed - wake to start the day. We are still starting our day earlier than we do in Australia, but hey - I'll take it!
Wednesday, 30 January 2013
finding the love
Oh little Ted, how you try me sometimes. Like at 3am when you have woken for the umpteenth time...like when it feels as though you have been nursing forever and that you will never be separate from me without screaming...
When I cry right along with you (and probably not helping your stress levels as mine rise...)...
Well. There was a moment...just a a teeny tiny moment...when I wished to pop you out in the snow... Of course, this was dismissed as quickly as the whim passed through my mind!
We got up this morning at 5:20am to start our day. To be honest I was thinking you would be getting us up at 4am so was as happy as a sleep deprived mama can be with nearly half five. I had not quite recovered my cheery self, not quite as loving as I would usually be. You know, when I hassle you for snuggles and cuddles and kisses despite your protests that playing with...well, anything...would be oh so much more fun than that.
Then it was just you and me in the kitchen and I picked you up to gently rock and shush you (actually, I was rocking and shushing myself - as you were perfectly happy and I was a bit teary...). You looked up at me and I was lost in your blue blue blue eyes.
Yep, you try me. Then you wow me. And tonight it won't matter how often or long you wake for. We will just be and I will be lost in your everything...
When I cry right along with you (and probably not helping your stress levels as mine rise...)...
Well. There was a moment...just a a teeny tiny moment...when I wished to pop you out in the snow... Of course, this was dismissed as quickly as the whim passed through my mind!
We got up this morning at 5:20am to start our day. To be honest I was thinking you would be getting us up at 4am so was as happy as a sleep deprived mama can be with nearly half five. I had not quite recovered my cheery self, not quite as loving as I would usually be. You know, when I hassle you for snuggles and cuddles and kisses despite your protests that playing with...well, anything...would be oh so much more fun than that.
Then it was just you and me in the kitchen and I picked you up to gently rock and shush you (actually, I was rocking and shushing myself - as you were perfectly happy and I was a bit teary...). You looked up at me and I was lost in your blue blue blue eyes.
Yep, you try me. Then you wow me. And tonight it won't matter how often or long you wake for. We will just be and I will be lost in your everything...
Sunday, 30 December 2012
secret smiles
Secret smile #1: Shared by the two of us just before you breastfeed (provided you are not upset or convinced you are about to die of starvation...)...
Secret smile #2: Your new little expression shared with the world. You look mischievous as you suppress a grin, your little cheeks dimpled as your eyes tell the true story...
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
expressions of love
It is with some (ok...perhaps a lot) of sadness I write this post. Something I treasured has come to an end and although it is time to move on, I cannot help but feel a little glum about the subject. What I am talking about is giving up expressing breastmilk for Teddy...to have in his food or in the freezer in case (this has never happened) he wakes for a feed and I don't get home in time. I have 90ml left in the freezer as an emergency stash...unless I need to express for a specific feeding I will miss I have decided enough is enough.
I have made this choice for a couple of reasons:
(a) pumping ain't what it used to be...gone are the days of getting 100ml in 10 minutes, of my breasts making more just because I pumped regularly for a couple of days. I tried numerous methods of increasing the supply so I'd have surplus, but was having limited success for much effort;
(b) I realised I really didn't need to be stressing myself over getting approximately 60ml to mix in Teddy's breakfast. Breastfeeding (mixed with ample sleep deprivation) has caused me to lose my baby weight (yay!) plus some (not so yay!), so adding more sleep deprivation so I could pump more created a catch-22 situation...I kept losing weight which I do not have to lose. He is nearly 8 months old and well established on solids (eating me out of house and home in fact) so 60ml of breastmilk is really neither here nor there for the little tyke;
(c) I have more than enough milk for Teddy to have during his feeds, of which he has between 4 and 5 per day, and I suspect he is drinking much more than I could ever express. So all that effort was very much a drop in the ocean!
I have a rather large tendency to feel guilty when my pre-baby plans go out the window now I have an actual baby. I had thought I would continue to mix his cereal with breastmilk for 3 months after he weaned (that being the freezer shelf life of the liquid gold)...this is not to be.
I am happy I will be able to feel a little sad and perhaps a little guilty about this decision, but will bounce back fairly quickly. I feel such a tremendous gratitude to have such a successful breastfeeding relationship with my son, I realise other women do not have it so easy. I feel such overwhelming joy at the thought that I will reach my original goal of feeding for 12 months and excited I will probably exceed it.
I treasure every moment I have with Teddy snuggled close, sharing something only we can share. I adore the knowledge that I helped create this life, I kept him safe while he grew inside my belly, I birthed him the way I felt nature intended for me to and that I am able to give him the best of myself every day.
I have made this choice for a couple of reasons:
(a) pumping ain't what it used to be...gone are the days of getting 100ml in 10 minutes, of my breasts making more just because I pumped regularly for a couple of days. I tried numerous methods of increasing the supply so I'd have surplus, but was having limited success for much effort;
(b) I realised I really didn't need to be stressing myself over getting approximately 60ml to mix in Teddy's breakfast. Breastfeeding (mixed with ample sleep deprivation) has caused me to lose my baby weight (yay!) plus some (not so yay!), so adding more sleep deprivation so I could pump more created a catch-22 situation...I kept losing weight which I do not have to lose. He is nearly 8 months old and well established on solids (eating me out of house and home in fact) so 60ml of breastmilk is really neither here nor there for the little tyke;
(c) I have more than enough milk for Teddy to have during his feeds, of which he has between 4 and 5 per day, and I suspect he is drinking much more than I could ever express. So all that effort was very much a drop in the ocean!
I have a rather large tendency to feel guilty when my pre-baby plans go out the window now I have an actual baby. I had thought I would continue to mix his cereal with breastmilk for 3 months after he weaned (that being the freezer shelf life of the liquid gold)...this is not to be.
I am happy I will be able to feel a little sad and perhaps a little guilty about this decision, but will bounce back fairly quickly. I feel such a tremendous gratitude to have such a successful breastfeeding relationship with my son, I realise other women do not have it so easy. I feel such overwhelming joy at the thought that I will reach my original goal of feeding for 12 months and excited I will probably exceed it.
I treasure every moment I have with Teddy snuggled close, sharing something only we can share. I adore the knowledge that I helped create this life, I kept him safe while he grew inside my belly, I birthed him the way I felt nature intended for me to and that I am able to give him the best of myself every day.
Monday, 26 November 2012
late afternoon naps
Teddy, you did not sleep all that well today. Unless you count the two 20 minute car rides, during which you slept great!
Mummy was also tired by this afternoon so fed you lazily on the bed, your final feed before a little bath & your bed...we fell asleep, you & I. When I awoke, it was 6:45pm. In my sleepy haze I took a second to realise we were running quite late for a proper bedtime...you didn't mind though. You were bathed & cozy in your bed in record time, set to complete your slumber.
I assume we will both sleep well tonight...I wonder what tomorrow will bring for us? I can't wait to find out - I hope it includes a snuggly nap...
Saturday, 24 November 2012
45 minutes of moments
I have many fabulous moments on any given day. Most of these involve either my tiny Teddy or my husband (when he is home...Skype is a lifesaver but the maker of fabulous moments it is not)...yesterday however, had one of the best forty-five minutes of moments I have ever experienced. I was going to share this as a series of posts, however thought one, perhaps very long one, was appropriate.
I'm not sure about you, but sometimes when I am having the most glorious of times I feel as if I am out of myself and everything slows down...I feel as if I am savouring the seconds to such an extent the experience of them is like a series of memories...whilst I am busy making them! I will try to convey these moments, but am not at all sure I will do them justice...
Teddy has been having ever-shorter afternoon naps of late. The combination of heat (29 degrees plus at the moment) & activity (perfecting his crawling technique too tempting) has meant when he does fall asleep - usually after getting up for a nappy change - it is in a position so uncomfortable he wakes after only half an hour, annoyed at his discomfit*. The moment he wakes & calls out is the beginning of some of my favourite moments to date.
In an effort to encourage more sleep, I take my slightly hysterical baby onto my bed. We lay down and he feeds. I give him a terry square (aka 'spew rag') to cuddle and more days than not, he is back to sleep in seconds. Yesterday was one such day.
He/I slept for fifteen minutes on one breast...he woke so I woke & we changed sides. He stays awake, but very relaxed...gazing at me with big blue eyes. Intently drinking in my face. Cue 'Moment Time Slowed Down'.
For the first time in a long time, Teddy rolled gently away & stayed there...looking at me, staring into my eyes. It was warm, fuzzy, lovely & exceptional. He smiled...lips still full, tongue visible between them. I am not a person who cries lightly (I mainly save it for being so angry I want to explode) but I welled up. We shared this moment for a long, long time. For me, time ceased to exist. I could hear the plasterers working away in the hall...my husband screwing our new kitchen together...but it all just melted away. Tiny Teddy & I were sharing something I will always cherish.
We giggled at each other...I tickled him. We babbled - speaking that special language only babies are privy to. We sang little rhymes...Teddy's stuffed friends played hide and seek behind my legs. He sat on my tummy & kissed my face. He showed no mercy...pulling my hair roughly (I wonder if I will have any left soon...) to place my face exactly where he wanted it to be. He bounced on my middle & played with the tags of each of his toys with one very concentrated finger.
Finally, after our own special eternity, we wandered out to find Papy.
Later, long after the plasterers had left, I commented to Guy: "This is going to sound a bit soppy...but...the forty-five minutes I had with Teddy on the bed were...well...beautiful."
*"Have you tried moving him?" - yes, yes I have. Unlike nighttime, repositioning during a nap ensures a Teddy who wakes then refuses to go back to sleep.
I'm not sure about you, but sometimes when I am having the most glorious of times I feel as if I am out of myself and everything slows down...I feel as if I am savouring the seconds to such an extent the experience of them is like a series of memories...whilst I am busy making them! I will try to convey these moments, but am not at all sure I will do them justice...
Teddy has been having ever-shorter afternoon naps of late. The combination of heat (29 degrees plus at the moment) & activity (perfecting his crawling technique too tempting) has meant when he does fall asleep - usually after getting up for a nappy change - it is in a position so uncomfortable he wakes after only half an hour, annoyed at his discomfit*. The moment he wakes & calls out is the beginning of some of my favourite moments to date.
In an effort to encourage more sleep, I take my slightly hysterical baby onto my bed. We lay down and he feeds. I give him a terry square (aka 'spew rag') to cuddle and more days than not, he is back to sleep in seconds. Yesterday was one such day.
He/I slept for fifteen minutes on one breast...he woke so I woke & we changed sides. He stays awake, but very relaxed...gazing at me with big blue eyes. Intently drinking in my face. Cue 'Moment Time Slowed Down'.
For the first time in a long time, Teddy rolled gently away & stayed there...looking at me, staring into my eyes. It was warm, fuzzy, lovely & exceptional. He smiled...lips still full, tongue visible between them. I am not a person who cries lightly (I mainly save it for being so angry I want to explode) but I welled up. We shared this moment for a long, long time. For me, time ceased to exist. I could hear the plasterers working away in the hall...my husband screwing our new kitchen together...but it all just melted away. Tiny Teddy & I were sharing something I will always cherish.
We giggled at each other...I tickled him. We babbled - speaking that special language only babies are privy to. We sang little rhymes...Teddy's stuffed friends played hide and seek behind my legs. He sat on my tummy & kissed my face. He showed no mercy...pulling my hair roughly (I wonder if I will have any left soon...) to place my face exactly where he wanted it to be. He bounced on my middle & played with the tags of each of his toys with one very concentrated finger.
Finally, after our own special eternity, we wandered out to find Papy.
Later, long after the plasterers had left, I commented to Guy: "This is going to sound a bit soppy...but...the forty-five minutes I had with Teddy on the bed were...well...beautiful."
*"Have you tried moving him?" - yes, yes I have. Unlike nighttime, repositioning during a nap ensures a Teddy who wakes then refuses to go back to sleep.
Saturday, 3 November 2012
slumber, part 2
Last night I wrote about my sleeping baby. Tonight I will write again about my sleeping baby...
Teddy has been unusually grouchy today...quick to smile and laugh, but equally quick to scream outrage. Unlike himself, I can only put it down to 'teething' - a seemingly mythical beast that has reared its head after his first tooth has appeared...whatever the reason, I decided to begin our little bedtime routine early tonight as it had been a big day full of big emotion.
Bathtime at 6pm, followed by a feed at quarter past - proving Mummy always knows best and it was indeed an early-to-bed night, tiny T was asleep at my breast shortly thereafter. He has the longest and most lush eyelashes, fluttered lightly closed. His little tongue lapping (it pokes out a little when he feeds) every now and again, just to remind me he was there.
Enjoying the moment, treasuring his little body on my lap, I was aware that I didn't want his little catnap to last too long - lest he not settle well when placed in his cot. I gently removed my nipple, his eyes sleepily opening as realisation dawned. Shaking with the shock of his loss, having been rudely interrupted, tiny Teddy opened his mouth - not so subtly hinting that feeding was not yet over. I repositioned him to take the other breast, his eyes immediately closing before I even lifted my shirt, mouth wide open in preparation.
Little tongue lapping the air.
Once attached, his eyes fluttered open and he gazed into mine for the rest of the feed before collapsing into a deep slumber the moment his wee head hit his bed - bliss.
Teddy has been unusually grouchy today...quick to smile and laugh, but equally quick to scream outrage. Unlike himself, I can only put it down to 'teething' - a seemingly mythical beast that has reared its head after his first tooth has appeared...whatever the reason, I decided to begin our little bedtime routine early tonight as it had been a big day full of big emotion.
Bathtime at 6pm, followed by a feed at quarter past - proving Mummy always knows best and it was indeed an early-to-bed night, tiny T was asleep at my breast shortly thereafter. He has the longest and most lush eyelashes, fluttered lightly closed. His little tongue lapping (it pokes out a little when he feeds) every now and again, just to remind me he was there.
Enjoying the moment, treasuring his little body on my lap, I was aware that I didn't want his little catnap to last too long - lest he not settle well when placed in his cot. I gently removed my nipple, his eyes sleepily opening as realisation dawned. Shaking with the shock of his loss, having been rudely interrupted, tiny Teddy opened his mouth - not so subtly hinting that feeding was not yet over. I repositioned him to take the other breast, his eyes immediately closing before I even lifted my shirt, mouth wide open in preparation.
Little tongue lapping the air.
Once attached, his eyes fluttered open and he gazed into mine for the rest of the feed before collapsing into a deep slumber the moment his wee head hit his bed - bliss.
Monday, 15 October 2012
breastfeeding
I love it. T loves it. I am grateful in a thousand ways for my ability to nourish my baby in this way. I am thankful for all the moments we have and all the good it is doing him.
Recently my sister lost her milk and for reasons beyond her control, was forced to wean her 3 month old. My heart broke for her as she grieved her and her little one's loss. Our hearts are now swelling as he thrives on his new milk, growing every day.
I understand that breastfeeding does not work out for everybody. I am sad for those women that have great difficulty. I am grateful (after a few false starts) that our special relationship came easily to T and I. I am thankful it continues into its seventh month and my original goal of breastfeeding for the first year of Teddy's life is effortless.
Today I spent a minute reflecting how beautiful it is to sit on my back steps, with my Teddy in my lap feeding. Smiling and chatting to me with a mouthful of nipple. His eyes gazing into mine, then flitting toward the trees - he loves watching the leaves move in the wind. I thought about how amazing and privileged I feel. I thought about all the pain I suffered in the early weeks and about how happy I am to have persevered to be rewarded with these moments now.
A little hand pulls my hair, drawing my attention back to where its owner prefers it...on him! He smiles up at me, then dramatically rolls away only to roll back a second later. He licks my nipple, then sucks it roughly back and continues to feed.
Yep, we love it.
Recently my sister lost her milk and for reasons beyond her control, was forced to wean her 3 month old. My heart broke for her as she grieved her and her little one's loss. Our hearts are now swelling as he thrives on his new milk, growing every day.
I understand that breastfeeding does not work out for everybody. I am sad for those women that have great difficulty. I am grateful (after a few false starts) that our special relationship came easily to T and I. I am thankful it continues into its seventh month and my original goal of breastfeeding for the first year of Teddy's life is effortless.
Today I spent a minute reflecting how beautiful it is to sit on my back steps, with my Teddy in my lap feeding. Smiling and chatting to me with a mouthful of nipple. His eyes gazing into mine, then flitting toward the trees - he loves watching the leaves move in the wind. I thought about how amazing and privileged I feel. I thought about all the pain I suffered in the early weeks and about how happy I am to have persevered to be rewarded with these moments now.
A little hand pulls my hair, drawing my attention back to where its owner prefers it...on him! He smiles up at me, then dramatically rolls away only to roll back a second later. He licks my nipple, then sucks it roughly back and continues to feed.
Yep, we love it.
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